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About Literature / Hobbyist LynaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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Outcasts Cover :iconcechapman95:cechapman95 0 5
I Never Blamed You
“Katalyna?” Rose asked. I looked up. “What’s your first memory? Mine is when I was still learning to walk.” She smiled at the memory. “I was using one of those not-walker things. You know, the ones that had parts that spun or made noise but only when a child was walking with it? I was heading down the hallway in the house we grew up in. Mom was in the back room, and Dad was in the living room. I don’t know why I remember that.” She chuckled. “What’s yours?”
“My first memory?” I thought about it for a moment, then frowned when I found it. “My first memory is of the back of the couch.” Rose frowned, too. “Well, that’s not strictly accurate,” I added. “You remember how I teethed on the dog’s tail?” She smiled and nodded. “That’s what I was doing at the time. He was laying in the patch of sunlight in the living room, acting so put-upon and doing his best
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Because of You
Who am I?
They expect me to know.
Who will I be?
They expect me to have a clue.
But how can I?
How can I know myself
With everything that they tell me?
“Be yourself!”
“No, not like that!”
“Here, let me do it for you.
Go to school at the same time every day.
Come home at the same time every day.
Take the same classes as your peers.
To be different is to be unnatural.”
“But in nature, everything is different!”
“But you’re not a wild animal, are you?”
“Well… No… But-“
“Then why should you be different?
Think what we tell you to think.
Wear what we tell you to wear.
Do what we tell you to do,
And don’t ever deviate.”
“But this isn’t who I am…”
“What does that matter?
You’ll have plenty of time to figure that out
When you’re older.
For now, just blend in.
Be who we want you to be,
“Happy eighteenth birthday!”
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The Dream I Need
I can't do it.
Not tonight.
I tried to lose myself
In all my books.
I tried to lose myself
In the fantasies I make
To replace my reality.
It won't work tonight.
The moon, floating
Fat and full in the sky,
Is calling to me.
The cold night air,
Which I usually detest,
Wants to wrap me in comfort.
What is it about
Nights like this that
Calls to me so strongly?
I am a creature of heat,
So why am I craving the cold?
Do I want to punish myself
For allowing this hope to grow?
Even I cannot say.
All I know is that this loneliness
Hurts so very much.
I want to be alone
So that maybe I won't be so lonely.
All of my dreaming
Cannot bring to life
That which I covet most.
That figure I see
Whenever I close my eyes
Does not exist.
Maybe he will,
But not yet.
No, instead I walk the night,
A lonely girl
On a lonely night
Fleeing from one
Whom she can never love
And a life she cannot live.
He loves me.
I know he does.
And that just hurts more.
I don't want to hurt him,
But I know that I must.
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Once, long ago, I went to
A place where none could follow.
It was a place between
Life and death,
Where all possibilities existed
Though nothing else did.
I wanted to go forward,
Beyond that full emptiness,
Into the world of death that followed.
But it was not my time.
I was so young when it happened,
And I didn’t understand
How much more to life there was.
I could not understand it
Until I lived it.
Now, many years later,
It seems that I can feel that place
As it comes to greet me again.
Old age is an interesting thing,
More interesting because
I did not quite reach it.
No, middle aged is what I am,
And it seems I will go no further.
This is no one’s fault,
It is just Nature’s will.
I cannot say that
I regret my life.
It was good, it was full,
I did everything I could to be happy.
I only achieved that occasionally,
But that was to be expected.
There are things that I still wish I could do
That will be forever denied to me.
Growing old with the one I love,
Meeting my
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Story Teller
Come, my dear, and listen well,
For I have a story to tell!
It spans a lifetime begun with sorrow
And ends with happiness only borrowed.
A child here sat once, long ago,
Before she was told that this is so.
She asked me a question that she didn't know,
So an answer I could not provide that time long ago.
She thought she understood what she asked,
But the truth from even her was well masked,
And I could not answer her then,
Though I wished an answer to her send.
She was so young, but a lost little child
Kept in a cage because she was wild.
Freedom, she asked for again and again,
A way for her heart to mend.
I wish I could have given her that, at least.
She deserved no less than freedom from that beast.
But though I have power, I could not interfere;
Choices were made, and that illness I could not cure.
I helped her, though, as much as I could.
I gave her powers without knowing if I should.
Intuition she received, to tell her if her path was right,
And power of will to help clear her sig
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Truth Will Out
Life is no fairy tale,
Is it, my dear?
No matter how much
I want to say,
“She lived happily ever after,”
I haven’t yet.
I don’t truly believe
I ever will.
The first love
I thought I knew
Felt wrong from the start.
No matter how many times
I told myself it was him for me,
A part of me knew the truth;
He was a poison to me.
The second time was
Unfortunately similar,
Though I let it go farther
Than I ever had before.
I told myself that I
Couldn’t let the opportunity pass
To find any happiness at all.
That was a lie.
I was simply too lonely
To bear it any longer.
This time I thought it was right.
I took my time about you,
I did nothing rashly,
I thought it all through.
It was so lovely,
For a time,
But you can’t be what I need, either.
How did I get so deep in this?
I know what it is I want,
I know what you can’t be.
I look at you too harshly,
And you shatter before me.
I hate that.
You bow to my every whim,
And no matter how wonderful
Some women w
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Poison in my Veins
It dissolves like poison in my veins,
Driving me insane,
This thought, this lie,
Yet still I cannot cry.
What made this darkness into lunacy?
What turned these thoughts on me?
Time and again I've tried,
And over and over have I died.
Yet peace never did follow;
No, instead this icy anger I swallow.
It has kept me away from all I want,
But I am the only one this shall haunt.
Unfair, unfair is the life I live,
But fairness I cannot give.
Nor can any to those around;
Unhappiness and pain abound.
Can you tell me what would now be
If those pills had truly affected me?
If I had succeeded and gone away,
What would be different this day?
So few, so few would even notice;
So few have had me to miss.
And fewer still are the ones who care
If I am no longer there.
Yet I have no choice but to remain,
Though I really have nothing to gain.
Here I am, what more do you want of me?
I have nothing more to give, you see.
Take and take, until I have nothing more,
Take eve
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Letter to my Lost Love
My Dearest Love,
I miss you. Is there a better way to say it? Is there a way for me to truly convey the depth of my emotion to you? Every waking moment, I’m thinking about you and remembering what it is to be in your arms. Every night, you walk in my dreams and try to save me from this horror I’m living. Is there a way for me to be with you again? I wish I knew.
All these long months alone have opened my eyes, in a way. All the things I took for granted have been taken from me. Do you know what it is to have every moment of your day dictated for you? Everything, from when I wake up to when and what I eat to what I do for fun, are all planned for me, and I have no choice but to follow.
This place has taken you from me just as surely as what’s wrong in my own mind. Was I really that bad off when I came here? When I entered this falsely clean and happy place in an attempt to get better, what was really wrong? It’s been so long now that I can’t remember if I r
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Painted Cabinet :iconcechapman95:cechapman95 2 0
Can You?
A promise:
"I will keep you safe."
Can you?
Can you really do it?
Can you protect me from
All that would harm me?
Can you protect me from
A mugger?
A rapist?
Can you protect me from
Myself, when the memories
Become too much?
Can you protect me from
Him, who does his best
To destroy me,
Like he did my mother?
Can you protect me from
Yourself, when you become
Just like all the others
Before you, and hurt me?
Can you truly keep me safe?
The answer:
"Yes, I can,
Or I will die trying."
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In the Dark
Shadows can’t follow you in the dark,
So let’s fall into the abyss
And let it swallow us,
Forever beyond pain’s terrible kiss.
Agony has no more bite
When there are no nerves to feel it left,
And loneliness has no more reach
And becomes, itself, bereft.
In the dark, we could be safe,
With no more stares to follow us here,
And nothing but peace
Alone with only us, my dear.
The shadows would not follow us
Into the dark abyss,
But the light cannot reach there;
Is it worth yawning emptiness?
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Cookie Cutter
People these days are all the same.
I feel like I’m living in a 1950’s movie again
With all the cookie cutter houses and
Pregnant, barefoot wives in the kitchen.
We are all expected to fill a spot
And just stay there forever, never move or shift,
And live in our house that’s just like our neighbors’
And leave the wool over our eyes and never lift it.
I often think that the copy machine that was
Churning out humanity, each person the same,
Jammed when it got to me,
And I was a little different when I came.
I don’t want to live behind a white picket fence,
And I don’t want to live my life blind.
I don’t want to be baby maker, or a cook,
And I refuse to fill my spot and never use my mind.
No, I will live in a Gothic mansion
With my transgender wife
Who works on cars while I go to work at what makes me happy,
And I will make my own place in life.
Those copies that didn’t jam the machine
Can bitch and moan and whine,
And peck at me like a swar
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Time to Come Home
There is a place where so many live,
But few alive have ever seen,
Where all will one day go,
But many often fear.
To all, I'm told, it looks a little different.
Many see it as a white light in the distance,
Calling them home.
But that is not what I saw.
I saw swirling mists of silver,
And a pale, glowing hand reaching out
To bring me home.
My entire being existed to grasp that hand.
I was floating, wrapped in softest silk,
Warm in light that was both sun and moon,
Focused on that hand reaching out to me,
Stretching to touch it as I slipped from my body.
There was no fear, no regret at what I was leaving.
There was only comfort and warmth,
And the knowledge that there would be no more pain.
I'm not afraid of pain, but I am so very tired of it.
As my consciousness stretched farther from my body,
I got closer and closer to reaching that hand.
And as I struggled to close that last distance,
A distinctly female voice spoke in soothing syllables to me.
"Come, My Child, take My hand, and I w
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You have the most interesting timing.
I suppose you always have.
I was feeling soft for you,
And you somehow knew and texted me.
I will never be what I was before,
Desperate for you and blind.
But at least I can say this truthfully;
I will always remember you and smile.
Whatever pain that invoked anger
That there was before is gone.
I know we simply aren't right together,
And that's just fine.
I don't need you anymore.
I just want you as a friend.
We used to have great times together,
Laughing and making fun of the world.
Let's do that again soon, I miss it.
We had a lot of fun at the beginning,
Before we tried dating and lost it all.
Let's see if we can go back to that.
I know that we can't get the past back,
And that's just fine with me.
I was stupid and young and naive,
And I definitely don't want that back.
I just want to have fun again,
And remember the good times with you.
I'm not angry at all, I promise,
And I hold nothing against you.
After all, we've never really had a normal
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Pain and Beauty
Pain seeps through the walls,
Wearing her blood and tears,
Tearing her soul to bits.
Beauty holds the broken pieces,
Clad in all that she desires,
And slowly begins to rebuild.
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I really haven't been on much lately. I haven't been writing much poetry. I've been busy writing my second novel. I'm probably going to be working on that continuously until my muse goes back to sleep. So don't expect much new work to show up anytime soon.


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Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
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Add a Comment:
ChristineStilinski Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you 4 the :+fav: !
cechapman95 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :D
SamanthaJordaan Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013   Traditional Artist
Thanks for the faves Chrissy:D
cechapman95 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! Loved your work! :huggle:
RollingTomorrow Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013   General Artist

Hello! :iconexcitedhiplz:


Thank you for submitting to our trimonthly writing prompt at :iconlive-love-write:!


Your submission has been featured in our group journal:


As one of the Admin’s Choices, your piece has been given a special place in our group’s Featured folder. Please add the article to your favorites to support your work and the prompt. :la:


We hope to read more of your writing! :happybounce: Thank you!

cechapman95 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yay! I love being an Admin's Choice! Thanks so much for support! :D :happybounce:
RollingTomorrow Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2013   General Artist
You're welcome! :la: You did a great job. :D
YusukiShredder Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favorite. I'm glad you liked Confront Me, and your message gave me smiles :) Have a great day!
cechapman95 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad! Hope you have a great day, too! :D
pantharoxx Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the fave!!!!
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